the Andrew Bailey

Crisco Memories

You ever have one of those memories that you swear happened, but no one else seems to remember? Here's one of mine.

I was about 5 or so. Mom was cooking something in the kitchen, and me and my older brother were there. My brother points out the vegetable shortening, and dares me to eat some. The tone of his voice made me think that he did not expect me to do it. To spite him, I put my hand up there, and ate some.

Mom turned around, and asked "Why are you eating that!?"

"He told me to," pointing to big brother.

"Why did you tell him to eat that!?" Mom asked with a disgusted face.

"I didn't think he would eat it!"

"Then why'd you tell him to eat it!?"

Things were a bit foggy after that; I think we eventually ended up at the ER or police station or something. At some point, they asked, "Is he still breathing and feeling OK?"

"Well, yeah," I heard, from mom, probably.

"Then he'll be fine!"

I asked around about it a week ago, since it's now 18 or so years later. I asked mom about it, but she says she doesn't remember it (probably too traumatized to). I asked dad, and he said that he remembers something like that. I asked brother about it, but he said that he doesn't remember anything like that, but he does recall daring me to drink vinegar at one point, which might be what it was.

If so, it easily explains my love for salt and vinegar chips, and may have easily led to my gratuitous ketchup habits.

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